"Hold the cilantro, por favor, Ma'am," I exclaimed in my laconic southern accent. Insert akward pause, then follow with "Can you also hold the calories in this coke, too... Yes, I mean a diet coke."
This previous statement being publicized into the smoggy ether of Hollywoodland by yours truly has become quite a daily routine, much like brushing my teeth or turning down a saleswoman that is using her botox grin in attempt to persuade me to pay extra for a pair of blue jeans that are intentionally destroyed in order to look old. Apparently, all of the stores in L.A. west of Sepulveda have a pet mountian lion on hand just to streamline this very process of "distressing" denim. I personally enjoy the "just thrown from my vespa jeans" over the "mountain lion attack victim" look, but that's just a personal preference. As for the diet coke, I have become terribly vain in a terribly small window of time; narcissism ain't no thing. As for rain, KTLA told me that a downpour is scheduled for sometime in October. As for celebrity spottings: David Hasselhoff (being fed overpriced tortellini by his female escort), Jessica Alba (shopping for overpriced mountian lion attack jeans), Beck (deep fried snack food aisle at the local Von's), and a Busta Rhymes (obviously motivated to match his entire outfit with his cherry red cadillac convertible).
Just be,
Will
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